Confessions of a Perfectionist

I know that I’ve done a horrible job at keeping this thing updated. It’s been one crazy moment after another, from switching jobs to traveling to Wisconsin or Rome or Israel or Indy. It’s been a whirlwind of thought, emotion, and action, full of new people, new insights, and deepening desires. I sit here and write, for once, not having a clue what will come. I think that is the main reason I haven’t written anything for a long time. My mind felt blank amidst tons of thoughts. I’m continually amazed at how I can think so deeply and have such amazing conversations—conversations that drain me because I think so much—and still feel like things don’t come together when I sit down and try to write. People continually tell me that I don’t have to write a paper to put it in a blog, but for some reason, my perfectionism wants my writing to have purpose and to be “good.” It’s ultimately a fear of rejection and a fear of what people with think that keeps me from simply putting my everyday thoughts out there for all to see. Bearing my soul is a scary thing with the people I am closest to, and risking criticism doesn’t sound like a good time, and I want to put forth a pretense of having it all together, of not caring at all what my peers think of me. But that doesn’t put words on paper, and the desire to write is still there, only now it’s stronger than ever because there hasn’t been an outlet. So, for those of you that have faithfully checked for updates (thanks Kristin!) and for those of you who wait for the email that says so, here is my offering. Sorry it’s not much, but it’s what I have to give right now. Thanks for stopping by!